Futility...

I decided I must "celebrate" this leap year...which s y the post after like 2 years!!! God I give a whole new meaing to laziness !!! Anyways....the way the basilisk s awakened once in not-very-sure-when....the alter ego has risen from its deeeeep slumber....



whimper,whine,wail...
sigh,sulk,
pray,fast,abstain...
escape,relax,
fight,argue,ashame...
lick,bandage,
the picture does not change.

"Time is indeed precious"!!

Once again back after ages....all these weeks I have been writing so many different posts in my head...seriously...about so many different things...but this post is on an impulse which probably is the whole point of blogging ! one doesnt think n ponder n rethink....one simply blogs !

Frankly I always wanted time for myself my whole life...I mean I think the only reason I used to take up so much time in the bathroom was that nobody could ever question that time and I had it all to myself ! Now with a baby I keep wondering how I will ever manage to do stuff I want to do(when I feel like it)when I do not have helpful grandmas and grandpas around ! I was so full of confidence ealier...how I am going to take care of my baby ALLL by myself...how I will never allow anyone else to be burdened etc. etc...how I will sow good habits in the baby and hence have time for everything....exercise,cooking,reading,studying,sleeping....the neat timetable goes on !! as usual all my glorious resolutions and the all important timetable have flown right out of the window and landed on that amazingly high mountain of thrown-away resolutions !! It is only slightly higher thant the mountain of thrown-away timetables ! Seriuosly I always aloved making timetables...ALL the time...htey would always be perfect...reality of course was well...

Having time to oneself is such a lovely privilege and I am ashamed to say I always squandered most of it away... Now I have finally learned to appreciate that time but at the same time, I probably didnt need so much of me-time in the first place...this is the perfect way to make those hours and days count I guess...a baby is the one person/power which can put so many things in perspective...and each hour is important and precious !

The funny thing is despite not having enough time for anything, I am already missing this time that I am spending with my baby... now this sounds really cliched and soppy and filmi but this time and age will never come again and I so wish I wouldnt be so cranky and savour the moments before the lil baby grows up into a big baby !

Strangely enough I always thought time being precious had something to do with studying and revising before exams, cramming in fast forward mode, completing exams in scratchy handwriting , submitting applications before the due date and so on...:)

so long...

Finally...!

Ok...I won't even bother trying 2 explain why I didnt touch this lil kingdom of mine 4 soooooo long...Today being My Day, I have decided to list out this long list of things I truly, badly, desperately, sincerely want 2 do asap...Here goes...
Aamaar bhish-lisht :)
1) Run across a lawn - I ve no idea why I have this increasing urge to simply run across a lawn...not race...preferably play catcher-catcher
2) Drink a can of Pepsi
3) Run up stairs two at a time (like I normally do)
4) Rush off to the place on top of the hill in my village at top speed(coz I m late as usual !)
5)Meet S and P...go 4 a movie...have fun....take a long walk n talk talk and talk till our jaws hurt...
6) Go 4 a picnic...somewhere...anywhere...with anyone...
7) Read random books lying on my tummy/side/back/as I please
8) Sit on the floor and go through old, old, ooold notebooks...or crads...or letters...or generally stuff hidden away for a long time...
9) Try draping a sari in different styles and pose in front of the mirror ;)
10) Go to a nice, clean beach and spend the day getting wet and collecting shells and generally behaving like a heroine :)
11) Drive a car at top speed :) preferably with goggles on and my kind of music playing...
12) Compete in a quiz with at least 14 rounds...and win obviously !


hmm...

Has the moon turned blue ??!!

क्यूँ किसी और को दोषी ठहराए हम...?
जब ख़ुद पर हम ही करें इतना सित्तम...?

आंसू भरा न पाये ऐसा कौनसा वो ज़ख्म...
समय और सबर से ना होगा कोई बेहतर मरहम...

आगे हम ख़ुद पर न करेंगे ऐसा ज़ुल्म...
नही डालने देंगे परदा-ऐ-शर्म...

ख़ुद पर भरोसा करना होगा हमारा धर्म...
और कभी फ़िसलेंगे नहीं अपने कदम...


P.S. :Ok I cant take it anymore !!! I just got the first 2 lines in my head somehow and the rest were written just 2 rhyme !!! I am so tired of not finding a nice ending and this is the fourth time I have come back to "edit" !!! So much for blogging !!

Missing in Action :the Elusive Post !

A post which belonged here has been lost in transit...will reach here soon :)

hmm...long time...

Despite my determined resolutions, I am here to post after a two-month gap instead of the two-week or one-week gap I had envisioned...anyways...so much did happen that I wanted to pen down but here it is...cooled and distilled...It is methinks imperative that we stop using the phrase 'moral policing' and start referring to certain personalities who graced the newspapers recently as 'moral terrorists' or 'social terrorists'. Though a rose is a rose no matter what it is called, I am beginning to realise the immense power of renaming or naming...People who want to grab eyeballs through their 'cultural sanitisation' should not be given front page coverage definitely but whenever they are referred to, anywhere in the media they should be necessarily called 'terrorists'.Not only because they attack women/girls/men, but also because what they are essentially doing is exactly what all world leaders and activists and the most importantly, The Common Man, strongly condemn all the time, everywhere...terrorism. Terrorising human beings in the name of religion/culture/ whatever ideology the barbarians can conveniently latch onto. While I do not think that wearing jeans/drinking/smoking/even education is the act of emanicipation of women, I do recognise that it goes a small way in forming a world where women are considered human with a will of their own and not an object men have to take care of. But what amazed me was that nobody, man/woman reacted to a news story that appeared later in the week after all the hullabaloo. There was a court judgement in TOI just last week where the judgement read that the rape victim could not have been raped because no Indian woman allows another woman to be raped in front of her. The victim in question had alleged that the wife of the rapist had abetted the crime. I do not know the facts of the case but what shocked me was the judgement which in my friend 's words was 'regressive'. The victim may have been lying, the man might be innocent, his wife again innocent. But why does this judge feel that Indian women are incapable of heinous crimes when there are criminals of the female sex ? Or maybe he meant married Indian women are incapable of anything immoral/heinous ? oh so is that why mothers-in-law kill their daughters-in-law ? Is that why well-off mothers do not hesitate to kill a foetus if found to be a girl ? Or is it only rape that they will not tolerate ? When a judge who metes out justice can bring his personal prejudices into his judgement in the year 2009, and nobody reacts to that statement when it was across the front pages, I can happily predict many more moral terrorists creeping in.
The Indian woman seems to be an alloy of purity, chastity, resilience, goodness and silence in the face of suffering. Nothing more, nothing less !
Meanwhile, Swat valley has been taken over by Neanderthal Men. The world including India(which had a woman PM and still has a woman behind the throne apparently) or the US of A(headed by a charming young Prez) doesnt seem to be able to do much abt it...Though I am pinnin my hopes on Obama who seems to be genuine enough abt removal of terrorism. If some kind soul does not liberate Swat soon, the female species of homo sapiens (this must be the way the Neanderthals regard girls/women) there might soon be driven to extinction or a fate worse than that and obviously India will soon be at the receiving end of more Mumbai-like attacks. [Interestingly and on a very different tangent, I must say that the recent Mumbai attack seems to have opened many more eyes than usual for the simple fact that the upper classes were also victims this time around. Random, innocent but rich and influential people...now is tht my bias?!]
Hmm...the next thing tht had caught my attention was of course the ubiquitous 'Slumdog Millionaire'. Yet to see it, though it seems to have swept up almost all the awards worth their salt, the music seems to sound average to me. Anyways...good to see the Oscar winners especially Winslet who won after 6 nominations...

Here i join the bandwagon...

So finally I join the blogging bandwagon...I promised myself I wouldnt indulge in such a hyped activity and copy a zillion others...but succumbed to the temptation at 5:02 p.m. on 12th Dec 2008...not tht I want to sound pompous...just tht I am a sucker 4 dates that simply do not matter.Hmm...so here we are...I am going to begin writing...when I actually detest writing/typing 4 tht matter...so what prompted me to do this ? aah...there was a trigger today...but what it was...my memory fails...anyways...so here I am...am determined to write my whines and dreams and pines...for the whole world to see...why on earth I want to do tht -- I ve no idea...well there is this fond hope of me writing and writing and thinking clearly and then becoming this wonderful writer every1 wants to read...well...so much for letting every tom, teena and meena(hopefully sum1 has noted the "original" use of language) know my 'dream'...
Strange...What one does on impulses ! I never cud maintain a diary in fact...anyways...there will be better posts insha allah...so much for the "auspicious beginning".